Love is about mutual growth and acceptance, not about changing your partner.
The best relationships help you grow. You are a better person when you are near your partner. You love without expecting anything in return. You can even begin to appreciate your partner’s so-called flaws.
Selfish love is more of an infatuation. You build up expectations and start to live in fantasy land. Then you get frustrated when the real-life person doesn’t measure up. You need to accept that you don’t have that kind of control over someone else’s life. Besides, you wouldn’t want someone to treat you that way, either.
It’s simple: think of the Golden Rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Every culture has a version of this idea. You can incorporate this concept into your own relationships.
Sometimes, fear comes with love. Fear of rejection, fear of opening up. It’s time to let that go. Allow yourself to fall in love unconditionally. If it’s the right relationship, you will both change for the better. Do not focus on changing your partner.
But you must also understand that change comes from within. You can not expect your partner to change if you do not put in that same effort yourself. Unconditional love makes this possible. You’re in it for the long haul. It can also test the strength of your relationship. If you are still the “giver”, look for someone who is not a selfish “taker”. You will not be afraid to show your true colors. The two of you will be honest with each other.
Change also involves reassessing your priorities. You may have to give up some things. The better the relationship, the less this will bother you. You want to make your partner happy. That will make you happy. It’s a mutually beneficial situation!
There is a reason why marriage vows require you to love your partner unconditionally. Even if you are not married, the same principles apply. You need to love them no matter what. Even if they’re crabby or not feeling well!
No one is perfect – least of all you and your partner. Don’t let that discourage you. Growing together is part of the joy of healthy relationships.
This may all sound idealistic. The search is well worth it. Take your time on the journey. Loving yourself is the first (and most important!) step. Accept your mistakes. Only then can you learn from them.
Your new, self-confident mentality will reflect love in other people. It makes you naturally attractive. Everyone wants to know what makes you so special! You can smile and let them in on a secret: joy comes from within. You don’t need validation from people or things. You can never run out of love. You’re not relying on someone else to provide it for you.
Keep applying these principles. You’ll be surprised at what could happen! Love can come from more than one place. Enjoy the journey. Sooner or later, you’ll find someone willing to walk it with you.