Edith went to the supermarket for milk and came home with a trolley full of other people’s requests. It began when the new store assistant mistook her handwritten shopping list for a collection form.
Her list said MILK, BREAD, APPLES, SOAP. On the back, her husband had written “Ask Martin about the ladder,” because he never understood the purpose of a shopping list.
The assistant read the back first. “Martin works in produce,” he said. “I’ll call him.”
Before Edith could object, Martin arrived with news about the ladder, a bag of oranges he wanted her opinion on, and a question about whether the village hall still needed folding chairs.
Edith had chaired the hall committee for eight years. She had retired three years earlier, but the village had never formally accepted her resignation.
At the bread aisle, Mrs. Lowe asked Edith to remind the butcher about Saturday’s raffle. The butcher asked whether Edith could remind Mrs. Lowe to collect her prize from last Saturday’s raffle. Edith wrote both reminders beneath SOAP.
A man near the frozen peas recognized her from the library. Could she tell his wife that the book she recommended was excellent? His wife was standing beside him, but he said it would mean more coming from Edith.
At the checkout, Edith unfolded her list. It now included “hall chairs,” “raffle prize,” “book excellent,” “ladder hinge,” and “ask butcher why raffle prize is frozen.” Only the milk and soap had made it into her trolley.
She went back around the store. Every few steps someone added a message. The pharmacist, buying bananas, wanted her to tell the dentist he had left his umbrella. The dentist, buying cereal, said the umbrella was the pharmacist’s. Edith wrote “umbrella disputed” and kept walking.
By the time she reached the dairy aisle, she had enough errands to fill a small office. She decided to make an announcement over the store speaker. The manager hesitated but agreed after Edith promised it would be brief.
“Attention, shoppers. If you have a message for someone in this supermarket, please deliver it yourself.”
The aisles went quiet. Then Mrs. Lowe called from bakery, “I’m at the bread!”
The butcher shouted that the raffle prize was in a freezer because it was a turkey. Martin told Edith the ladder hinge was fine. The pharmacist and dentist discovered they had identical umbrellas and had each taken the other one home.
Five minutes later Edith had crossed out nearly everything on her list. The manager said she had improved communication in the store and offered her a staff discount.
“I don’t work here,” Edith said.
“That’s what the staff keep telling me too.”
At home, her husband helped unload the bags. There was milk, bread, apples, and soap. He was impressed that she had remembered everything.
“Did you ask Martin about the ladder?”
“Yes. He said he already told you yesterday.”
Her husband looked sheepish. “I forgot.”
Edith handed him the list. “That’s why we write things down.”
He turned it over. On the back, in Edith’s handwriting, was a new item: “Tell everyone I am retired.”
The following week, the manager put it on the store speaker for her.