Sent a message to her

A wife sent a message to her husband: “Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Priscilla says hi to you.”

Husband: Who is Priscilla?

Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure you read my message.

Husband: But I’m with Priscilla right now, so which Priscilla are you talking about?

Wife: Where are you??

Husband: Near the vegetable market.

Wife: Wait I’m coming there right now… After 10 minutes she texts her husband, “Where are you?”

Husband: I’m at the office. Now that you are at the market, buy whatever vegetables you need.

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!”

He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her underclothes and ravaged her.

He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.

When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said,

“That was the best, honey. You’ve never moved like that before, you didn’t hurt yourself did you?” His wife replies, “No, no. I’ll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my bum.”

After a long day of travelling, a husband and wife decide to stay in the nearest hotel.

They go straight to bed and are almost immediately sound asleep.

The next morning, they wake up and ask for their bill.

“That’ll be $300 each,” said the manager.

“WHAT?! Why so expensive?!” demanded the husband, outraged.

“Well, there was the car valet, the swimming pool, the sauna…” responded the manager.

“But we didn’t use any of those!”

“Yes, but they were there, had you wanted them.”

The husband then reached for his wallet, took out $100 and handed it to the manager.

“No sir, I said $300 each,” sighed the manager, shaking his head.

“Yeah but I’m charging $500 because you slept with my wife!”

“I did no such thing,” said the manager, his cheeks reddening.

“But she was there, had you wanted her!”