Norman’s parrot told a house buyer the lowest price he would accept.
The estate agent told Norman to remove the bird before the next viewing.
The buyer offered to take it off his hands.
A hundred pounds, Norman said. It’s a very clever parrot.
The buyer hesitated. Then the parrot joined the discussion….
Norman had spent three evenings preparing his house for sale. He hid the ironing board, polished the taps and put a bowl of lemons on the kitchen table.
His wife, Joyce, asked whether anyone would pay more for a house with lemons.
They’re in all the photographs, he said.
So are windows.
The estate agent, Beth, arrived on Saturday. She checked the rooms and found one last problem. Norman’s parrot, Percy, sat beside the kitchen doorway.
Will he be quiet during the viewing?
Usually, Norman said.
Percy said, Cup of tea?
Beth smiled.
That’s quite charming.
He knows more, Norman said proudly.
The asking price was three hundred thousand pounds. Before Beth arrived, Norman had discussed it with Joyce over breakfast. They would accept two hundred and eighty-five thousand, but nobody was to know that.
The first buyer liked the garden. He tested the taps, looked inside the cupboards and asked whether Norman would consider an offer.
We’re looking for something close to the asking price, Beth said.
Two eighty-five! Percy shouted.
Norman coughed.
The buyer turned towards the cage.
Two eighty-five! Percy repeated.
Joyce quietly removed the lemons.
The buyer asked whether the bird meant two hundred and eighty-five thousand.
Norman said it was difficult to know with parrots.
Cash buyer! Percy added.
Beth led the visitor into the garden before Percy could discuss the moving date.
When they came back, the buyer made an offer of two hundred and eighty-five thousand pounds. Norman said he would think about it.
The buyer left his number.
Beth waited until the front door closed.
For the next viewing, she said, the bird goes somewhere else.
He only repeats things, Norman said.
Yes. So far he’s repeated fifteen thousand pounds off your house.
Norman looked at Percy.
Cup of tea? Percy asked.
No, Norman said.
That afternoon, the buyer returned for the coat he had left in the hall. He found Norman moving the cage into the spare room.
I could take him, the buyer said. I’ve always wanted a parrot.
Norman stopped lifting.
He’s not free.
What would you want?
A hundred pounds. He’s a very clever parrot.
The buyer leaned towards the cage. Percy leaned towards the buyer.
A hundred seems a bit much, the man said.
Norman folded his arms.
He talks beautifully. You’ve heard him.
Joyce appeared in the doorway. She had been telling Norman for months that the cage took up too much space. That morning, before discussing the house, she had suggested selling Percy.
Norman gave her a warning look.
The buyer took out his wallet, counted his notes and paused.
Percy watched him.
He’ll take twenty.
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