Grandad promised to put fifty pence in Max’s bicycle fund whenever he swore.
A week later, Max bought him a second-hand printer.
Grandma thought it was a lovely thank-you present.
Then she saw Max placing the money jar beside it.
Why have you put that there? she asked….
Grandad had a rule about language in front of children.
Unfortunately, he had remembered the rule halfway through repairing a kitchen drawer.
Max was ten. He asked whether the word Grandad had just used was allowed.
Certainly not, Grandad said.
Then why did you say it?
The drawer was stuck.
Max looked at the drawer. It had said nothing at all.
Grandma suggested a swear jar. Fifty pence for each bad word, with the money going towards the bicycle Max was saving for.
Grandad agreed. He said it would teach everyone a useful lesson.
He put in the first fifty pence.
Max pointed out that there had been two words.
Grandad put in another coin.
During the next week, the fund grew slowly.
A dropped spoon earned nothing. A missing parking ticket earned fifty pence. The television losing the football picture earned a pound.
Grandad said a repeated word should count only once.
Grandma said he should have thought of that before repeating it.
On Saturday, Max went to the school jumble sale with his mother. He had four pounds of his own money.
She expected him to buy a game.
Instead, he stopped beside a small printer. A card said it worked, came with ink and cost four pounds.
Max asked whether all the wires were there.
The seller said yes.
Did it have instructions?
A whole booklet.
Max bought it.
His mother said Grandad already had a printer.
He said it was old and slow.
That’s why he sends things to the library.
Max asked whether Grandad would like to print things at home again.
His mother said she was sure he would.
They carried it round after lunch.
Grandad was delighted.
You spent your own money on me?
Max nodded.
Grandma said that was a very thoughtful thing to do.
Grandad cleared a space on his desk. He plugged in the printer and opened the booklet.
The first page told him not to connect the printer yet.
He unplugged it.
The next page asked him to install a program from a disc.
His laptop had nowhere to put a disc.
Max found the maker’s website for him.
There were twelve printers with almost the same name. Grandad read the little label underneath his until his glasses slid down his nose.
He downloaded the program.
It asked him to create an account.
Grandad asked why a machine six inches from his elbow needed his email address.
Grandma heard a coin drop.
The account needed a password. His first choice was too short. His second lacked a number. His third was accepted, but he had already forgotten it.
Two more coins dropped.
Max fetched him a pencil.
Grandma quietly asked Max whether he had planned to help Grandad set it up.
Of course, he said.
Then why bring the jar?
Max took a picture of a bicycle helmet from his pocket.
Grandma looked from the helmet to the printer.
I thought you were thanking him for helping with the bicycle.
Max shook his head.
The helmet isn’t paid for yet.
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