Martin hid his messy sitting room behind a printed photo of it looking tidy. His family admired the room on video calls.
Then his sister said she was coming to visit.
Martin hung the photo across the sitting-room door. His wife asked where he expected six real guests to sit….
Martin cleared the sitting room one Saturday, took a photograph and ordered a huge print.
His wife, Helen, thought he wanted to remember the occasion.
It’s for video calls, he said. I can sit in front of it.
She asked whether he couldn’t just keep the room tidy.
That would be a daily job. This is a one-off payment.
The print arrived rolled in a tube. Martin hung it behind his desk. It showed straight cushions, an empty coffee table and a carpet with nothing drying on it.
His sister, Jo, noticed it on their next call.
Your house looks lovely.
Thank you, said Martin. We’ve made an effort.
Helen walked past carrying a basket of socks. Martin leaned left to hide her.
Jo asked whether they had bought a new sofa.
Same one, said Helen. You’re just seeing all of it.
For three weeks, Martin took every family call from the same chair. He refused to move it, even when Helen needed the desk.
You’ll change the angle, he said. The room won’t line up.
She said the laundry basket in the real room had stopped lining up with the floor.
Then Jo announced that she, her husband and their four children were visiting on Sunday.
We never seem to see the whole house on these calls.
Martin looked over his shoulder. There were coats on the sofa and a box of tools on the chair.
Helen handed him the vacuum cleaner.
You’ve got until Sunday.
On Sunday morning, she found him hanging the printed room across the doorway.
From the hall, it looked remarkably good. From the side, you could see a mop sticking out behind it.
Helen folded her arms.
Six people are coming for tea. Where exactly are they supposed to sit?
In front of their own cameras.
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