What to do when He Wants to Leave is a list compiled by girls who, like me, have experienced what it’s like to hear their husband express his desire to end the marriage or relationship.
So I gathered with them and together we came up with a list of what to do when he wants to leave:
Show compassion.
Making the decision to leave your family or a romantic relationship is really challenging to anyone. He must be hurting inside somewhere. If you can get a chance to stop your ego or first reaction from “you are leaving me? You ass!” to “WTF? What is going on in your head that would dare make you even consider leaving? Are you okay??” A hug…a touch of the arm are all gestures you’d give your brother if he said he was leaving his wife.
Make plans…
to go (anywhere!) out with your kids, your girlfriends, a cousin, a friend’s house, the park, a movie theater, or anything else! Whether you have children or not, enjoying happy hour once a week is always a great time and doesn’t break the bank either. I’ve been known to feed all my kids at many of our local happy hours for under 20$ for all of us. If he’s home, leave the kids for a couple hours with him, say good-bye to everyone and then walk out. Never ignore him, be happy and pleasant – your life is still good. You want him to see that you are fine with him or without him.
Always looks good.
I get that wearing sweatpants and a ponytail is more comfortable, but he’s attempting to get out of your marriage/relationship. It’s time to get moving! Put on beautiful clothes. Apply a little makeup. Eliminate the hair from the ponytail. The simple motto: Look good, smell good, feel good. Even at night. Go to Victoria secret, buy some sexy undies and a night gown. Walk around in undies if you feel confident. Men see with their eyes. Let him see what he’s giving up.
Say little.
Women enjoy having conversations. Guys don’t. We require very little prompting before we divulge every detail of our existence. Men don’t. So do the reverse, don’t share anything. If he asks, answer with a quick tid bit and a sassy smile. Don’t ever be rude. EVER. Always be nice and sweet and kind. Be brief and to the point. But be mysterious. Let him wonder what you are doing and where you are going with that smile of yours.
Always be Kind.
You never want to do or act in such a way that gives him proof that you are rude, bitchy or unkind during this time. If you behave with kindness and compassion – he will doubt and 2nd guess why he’s leaving you. Be the type of friend to him that anyone would love to have.
Listen.
If he talks, listen. Look him in the eyes with care and compassion. Direct eye contact. Do not give advice or tell him what to do. End the conversation with, “Oh that’s too bad…” Or “Oh no…I’m sorry…” Or “Wow! That’s great!’ No advice. No opinion. No suggestions. Just listen and let him feel heard and understood.
Be a GREAT mom.
Take the kids on an adventure. Do something unusual with them. Plan a mini weekend with you and them. Ask him first because you don’t want him thinking you are stealing the kids. “Hey, was thinking of going skiing with the kids Friday…you okay with that? We’ll be back Sunday… Okay?” Let him be sad he’s not going…and that you didn’t invite him.
No arguing.
Chances are if he’s thinking of leaving, you have been fighting a lot. You may want him to stay. He wants to go. Therein lies the controversy. The dilemma. The ‘fight’. You both want different things. The minute you give up fighting him leaving, the minute he can relax and really examine if he does indeed want to go.
Keep your ego at bay.
We all do stupid things because our egos tell us to be monsters. Shut yours up now or it will ruin all of the above.
Smile. Smile. Smile.
Similar to a set of underwear. Don’t take it off after you put it on. Until you go to bed, then you can just give up and cry. He is departing because of HIM, not because of YOU.. Whatever part you have played in your marriage going well or not going well…has little to do with the fact that he is choosing to bail and walk out the door.
That is his call and his alone. And that choice has nothing to do with you. So smile. Hold your head high and know you are a rock who continues to hold down the fort of your life and marriage for your family. FTI: Smiling is a force that creates good feelings and inner confidence. So force it and let it do its job!!
DO NOT GIVE UP.
I fought for my marriage for 5 years straight. Everyone you know out there will be watching you deal with the mess of your marriage and will be begging you to let go and just give up. If you have to, give up these friends for now. Find friends that support you so that you can stay the course with a team having your back. You know what you want. Your kids are rooting for you too!
If you need help taking the right steps to make your marriage a rock solid unity. Private coaching is available to walk beside you and get you what you want.
