A husband and wife, a married couple of many years, were talking to each other one evening when the wife asked the husband what his favorite thing about her was. She wanted to know what her best qualities were.
He looked at her for a while, then said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”
She asks … “What does that mean?”
He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”
She smiled happily and said … “Oh, that’s so lovely … What about I, J, K?”
He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his family jewels.
Husband Arrives Home Drunk Out Of His Mind. What He Wakes Up To Shock Him.
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Halloween Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Opening his eyes, the first thing that he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time… PRICELESS!!!