A Shopkeeper Hires a Football Referee

A shopkeeper hired a football referee because he was used to handling arguments.

By lunchtime, the queue was calm and two arguments were settled.

The staff seemed even happier than the owner.

At half past one, their new colleague was still in the staff room.

The owner asked why lunch was running late….

When the shop needed a new assistant, Maureen interviewed a man who refereed football at weekends.

His name was Paul.

Are you used to difficult people? she asked.

Two teams of them. Plus parents.

Can you keep calm when someone says you’re wrong?

If I couldn’t, I’d never reach half-time.

Maureen hired him.

On Monday, a customer demanded a discount because another shop had the item cheaper.

Paul asked whether the other shop had any left.

No.

He waited quietly.

The customer bought it.

A man tried to jump the queue. Paul pointed him towards the back without raising his voice.

The man argued.

Paul kept pointing.

The man joined the queue.

Maureen watched from the office.

By eleven, nobody had asked to speak to the manager.

At twelve, a regular customer began explaining why every price was too high.

Paul let him finish.

Then he said he was welcome to look around.

The customer looked around.

He bought batteries.

Maureen told the staff that Paul was settling in beautifully.

They agreed much more warmly than she expected.

At one, Paul went for his half-hour lunch.

At half past one, Maureen looked towards the staff room.

Nobody came out.

At twenty-five to two, she went to the door.

Paul was drinking tea with two other assistants.

Their plates were empty. One was reading a magazine.

Lunch finished five minutes ago, Maureen said.

Paul checked his watch.

Not quite.

We take half an hour.

I know.

Maureen asked whether he’d misunderstood the rota.

No.

Then what are you waiting for?

Paul showed her a page in his notebook.

Someone had spent three minutes asking where the spare till rolls were. A delivery driver had asked him to sign for two boxes. Then the phone had rung.

Maureen said interruptions were part of shop work.

Paul nodded.

I’ve kept track.

The other assistants smiled into their mugs.

Maureen asked why.

Paul put down his tea.

I’ve added five minutes for stoppages.

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