A film crew was looking for someone to play an angry neighbour when a man marched into the hall.
He had a red face, a folded photograph and plenty to say.
The director asked him to do the speech once more for the camera.
Instead, the man put the photograph on the table and pointed to something in it….
A small film crew hired the village hall for auditions.
The scene needed an angry neighbour. He would arrive at a doorway, complain to the main character and refuse to leave.
After a morning of auditions, the director, Nina, had heard plenty of shouting. None of it sounded quite right.
One man waved his arms so hard that he knocked over a lamp.
Another kept smiling between angry words.
Nina asked him to sound less pleased about the problem.
He apologised and smiled again.
At eleven, she sent her assistant to put the kettle on.
Then a man in a brown jacket marched through the door.
Who’s in charge here?
Nina looked up.
I am.
Good. I’ve been looking for you.
He stood in front of the audition table without waiting to be shown.
Nina quietly signalled to the camera operator.
The man took a folded photograph from his pocket.
I don’t think you understand what you’ve done.
Lovely, Nina said.
Lovely?
Keep going.
He stared at her.
I’ve been very patient. I asked somebody to deal with this at nine. He said he would find you. That was two hours ago.
Nina leaned forward. The voice was ordinary. The anger was steady. He sounded like a man who had a real problem.
Could you take that from the beginning?
The man gripped the photograph.
All right. At nine this morning-
Sorry. A little nearer the door.
Why?
We need to see you enter.
You saw me enter.
Yes, but we weren’t ready.
Neither was I.
Nina smiled at the camera operator.
Excellent.
The man moved back three paces.
He began again. This time he spoke more slowly, as if explaining something to a person who had already proved difficult.
Nina whispered that the pause was perfect.
The man stopped.
Are you taking this seriously?
Completely.
Then why is he pointing a camera at me?
We’d like a screen test.
I’d like a solution.
Nina said that was a wonderful line.
He put both hands flat on the table.
Listen. I don’t want to raise my voice. I don’t want an argument. I just want you to do one simple thing.
The room went quiet.
Nina nodded. This was exactly the scene she needed.
Brilliant. We’ll give you the part.
What part?
The angry neighbour.
The man closed his eyes for a moment.
He unfolded his photograph. It showed the film crew’s large white van.
Nina recognised it.
The man pointed to the driveway directly behind it.
You think I’ve come here to act?
Nina looked at the photograph, then at his jacket.
He tapped the blocked driveway.
I’m the neighbour. Move your van.
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