At his school reunion, Derek paid a waiter five pounds to rescue him from dull conversations.
Whenever Derek rubbed his chin, the waiter called him away.
It worked perfectly until Derek began showing his holiday photos. The waiter interrupted him before the first picture.
Derek whispered, I didn’t give you the signal….
Derek had not seen most of his old classmates for forty years. He hoped they had developed new interests.
Within ten minutes, Alan was describing the gravel on his driveway.
Not the driveway. Just the gravel.
Derek nodded through the first delivery. By the second delivery, he knew the weight of the lorry and the driver’s opinion of drainage.
A waiter passed with a tray of drinks.
Derek followed him to the edge of the room.
Could you do me a small favour?
The waiter, Joel, said he could fetch another chair.
I’m trying to lose a conversation, not seat it.
Derek slipped him five pounds.
If you see me rubbing my chin, come and say I’m wanted at reception.
Joel glanced at Alan, who was arranging imaginary stones on a napkin.
Every time?
Derek added another five.
Now it was clear.
The first rescue came during a detailed account of a replacement hip.
Joel appeared beside Derek.
Reception needs a word, sir.
Derek escaped so quickly that he nearly took the napkin diagram with him.
There was nobody at reception. He waited a respectable minute, checked the bowl of mints, and returned by a different door.
The second rescue came when Keith started a video of a reversing caravan.
Is it long? Derek asked.
Only the difficult bit, Keith said. The actual holiday starts in part four.
Derek scratched his chin.
Joel arrived before the caravan reached the gate.
By the third rescue, Derek had visited reception more often than the event organiser. He had eaten seven mints and learned the receptionist’s dog’s name.
His wife, Paula, noticed.
You seem very popular with the hotel.
There are things to sort out.
You haven’t sorted out our sticking back door since April.
Derek said reunions involved responsibilities.
After dinner, he found Paula with three former classmates. They had been talking about holidays.
At last, a subject he could help with.
Derek pulled out his phone.
We did a walking holiday in spring.
How lovely, said Paula.
I’ve got the route here.
She looked at the screen.
That’s a car park.
The walk began there. You need to understand the parking arrangements.
He opened a folder containing two hundred and fourteen photographs.
I’ll skip the similar ones.
There were twelve photographs of the car park.
Joel appeared at his shoulder.
You’re needed at reception, sir.
Derek frowned. His hands had been nowhere near his chin.
He followed Joel a few steps, then stopped.
I didn’t signal.
No, sir.
Has something actually happened?
Not yet.
Derek looked back. Paula and the others were quietly smiling.
He lowered his voice.
I thought I was paying you to get me out of boring conversations.
You were, sir.
Then why did you stop mine?
Joel put his tray under one arm.
Your wife pays double.
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