Four neighbours decided to share a compost heap behind the fence.
Dennis built a wooden bin. Eileen brought a bucket for kitchen peelings. Priya offered to turn the contents with a fork. Martin, who grew the most vegetables, promised that they could all use the finished compost.
At the first meeting, Dennis wanted a list of acceptable things. Eileen said fruit peels and leaves would be enough to start.
Martin asked about grass cuttings. Priya said they should be mixed with drier material. Dennis wrote DRY MATERIAL on the list.
The following week, Eileen brought orange peels. Dennis asked whether the labels on the oranges had been removed. They hadn’t. He took the bucket home so she could sort them.
Martin brought grass cuttings. Priya asked where the dry material was. Martin said Dennis had the list, not the dry material.
Priya brought a bag of leaves. Eileen admired them and asked whether she might keep a few for her flower beds. Priya gave her the whole bag. The compost bin remained empty.
Eileen suggested buying a bag of ready-made compost so they could see what a successful batch looked like. Priya said that would be a useful reference, but it would be difficult to tell when their own heap had produced any. Martin offered to label the purchased bag. Dennis began another list, then put the pencil down when three people watched him.
At the second meeting, they agreed that everybody had been unusually considerate. They also agreed that consideration did not seem to produce compost.
Dennis printed a small chart. Eileen suggested a separate bucket for approved peelings. Martin brought a fork with his name painted on the handle. Priya said they should stop discussing the fork until there was something to turn.
They each tried again. Dennis put in a paper bag of leaves, but Martin removed it because he wanted the bag for carrying potatoes. Eileen added peelings with the labels removed. Dennis worried about the wax on one piece of fruit and took those out. Priya tipped in some garden waste, then retrieved a seed head because she thought it might grow.
A month later, the bin contained one dry leaf and an orange peel so carefully prepared that Eileen could have served it on a plate.
Martin asked whether they should buy compost for the spring planting. Everyone agreed at once. Dennis put the order on his chart.
While looking for a pencil, Eileen found the first two sets of meeting notes and the rejected lists. She asked what she should do with them. Dennis said they no longer needed the paper, since they had settled the rules.
Priya took the pages, tore them into strips and dropped them into the bin. Martin added a bucket of grass cuttings. Nobody stopped him.
The next week, Dennis noticed the heap had finally begun to settle.
“What went in?” he asked.
Eileen pointed to the old notes.
“The only thing we could all agree to throw away.”