Bernard’s pub quiz team had finished last for six weeks. His three friends blamed the questions. Bernard blamed their habit of debating every answer until the paper was collected.
“We need confidence,” he said. “A new name.”
They had been called The Four Regulars. Bernard wrote The People Who Know the Answers on the entry form. Iris said it sounded like a promise they couldn’t keep. Bernard said a little pressure might help.
The quizmaster, Colin, read it aloud. “Tonight we have The People Who Know the Answers.” Several tables looked over. Bernard sat up straighter.
The first round was geography. They answered two questions immediately. On the third, Colin asked which river ran through a particular city. Iris knew it. Bernard thought she was confusing it with another river. They discussed it for four minutes and submitted neither answer because the paper was collected.
“Confidence,” Iris reminded him.
The music round went better. Their friend Raj recognized a song from the first note. Bernard had never heard it, but believed him. They got the point. Raj celebrated as though he’d written the song himself.
Mo handled the picture round. He recognized an old actor’s face but could not remember the name. Iris knew the surname; Raj knew the first name. Bernard wrote them together and worried they had invented a person. It was correct. For once, their habit of discussing an answer had produced a result before the paper was collected. They decided to keep a close eye on the clock.
By the interval they were in third place. Bernard’s new name seemed to be working. Then Colin announced a special round. Every team would write one question for another team to answer. The winners would be the team with the most correct answers, plus a bonus for a question nobody else could solve.
One table chose The People Who Know the Answers as its target. Then another. Soon all six opposing teams had written questions for Bernard’s group.
“I told you the name was a mistake,” Iris said.
Colin read the questions. What year had the old cinema closed? What was the pub called before it changed owners? Which shop had stood on the corner before the pharmacy? Bernard and Iris had lived in town for decades. Raj remembered the cinema; their fourth teammate, Mo, had worked in the old corner shop. They knew five of the six answers.
The last question asked how many steps led up to the pub’s front door. Bernard guessed three. Iris said four. Raj counted from memory and thought there were five. Mo refused to guess; he used the side entrance because the front step was uneven.
They handed in their sheet with that answer blank. Colin announced the result: first place by one point. Their opponents complained that locals had an unfair advantage. Colin said everyone in the room was a local; only this team had been old enough to remember the cinema.
They collected their prize, a voucher for another quiz night. On the way out Bernard decided to count the steps. There were four if you counted the doorstep and three if you didn’t. Colin admitted he’d accepted both.
“Then our blank didn’t matter,” Bernard said.
“It did to me,” Iris replied. “I knew it.”
The following week she arrived with a new team name already written on the form: The People Who Listen to Iris.
Bernard frowned. “That sounds a bit presumptuous.”
“Only if you intend to keep losing,” she said.